Friday, December 15, 2000

or do i want to volunteer at the bike shop next semester?
bike shop, guitar, witchcraft, the street med training, the WFR training, emt-b training...
plus the commitments i have already: the conference, and writing/copyediting

well, the guitar thing if i took it wouldn't be 'til march, and emt-b wouldn't be 'til summer so i can figure out hten if i have time
the street med training, conference, writing/copyediting i could do without a problem, work on 'em in my spare time
WFR is only a week so as long as i save up i can do it
so it's betw. the bike shop and the witch classes. i guess i just have to pick one, and do it regularly. i should check 'em both out, first, too.
and look at my schedule. also, one of them i may have to drop when i do start doing the guitar thing, if i do that.
i have to remember too that i won't be doing the play, so that will help.

had my conferences today and it looks like i'm passing my science class!! i signed up for classes next semester. maybe i'll only take 15 credits instead of 17.5. maybe it will work out pretty and i'll only have classes on three days instead of four. we'll see. i'm taking nat. sci. 4 (bleh), soc. 4 (methodology and shit) and feminist theory. i may take hebrew scripture as a half credit, but not sure - i don't really need the credit but i'm interested in the subject matter. we shall see.

Thursday, December 14, 2000

sometimes there's those moments that say more than any words could.
i've had a night of such poignant moments, not all positive.
first, tim wanted me to read his tarot cards, and then he read mine.
the cards said, you're a medic. you're a medic. trust your team. you're a medic.
well not exactly but pretty damn close. they said i was a healer...
they said i needed to keep doing what i'm doing, questioning things, living...
anyways, i read his cards, he read mine and it lasted one full CD.
i measure time by CDs.
it was a full cycle.

then, after a stressful conversation about one guy who threw a cat down some stairs (!!!)
i went downstairs to put my laundry in the dryer.
well, somebody had put the wet shit on top of the dryer, and had put her clothes in the dryer,
so i had to wait while my clothes got all moldy, for hers to dry.
i would never do that to anybody. maybe put their clothes on top of the dryer, but not also
put mine inside the dryer.

i waited the 54 minutes, went downstairs, and put her clothes on top of the washer and mine
in the dryer. minutes later i saw her carry her dry clothes up the stairs.
we spoke more in that moment than we have in weeks.
it's a shame, really.
this medical thing, man...
i just can't figure out if it's my calling or not.
do i want to be a paramedic?
i had my life all sorted out, decided i'd work for a non-profit and do my writing on the side, and now all of a sudden i can't even imagine being at a protest and NOT being
a medic. and i want to get as much training as i can.
i've been looking at the CLC manual, trying to figure out if i want to cut my travel plans short (!!) and find a place to stay for three weeks (nigh near impossible, but maybe there's a catholic worker house i could work something out with...) so i can take emt-basics classes. or i could do it over the summer, and i'd still be able to both go to witch camp and the conference i'm helping put together in bowling green. and i would be able to save up money for oxford by getting a job...we'll see... i dunno what i want to do. but i don't think i'd mind travelling three weeks less to take a medical class, which is saying a LOT cos i'm a travellin' girl...we'll see...
this medical thing, man...
i just can't figure out if it's my calling or not.
do i want to be a paramedic?
i had my life all sorted out, decided i'd work for a non-profit and do my writing on the side, and now all of a sudden i can't even imagine being at a protest and NOT being
a medic. and i want to get as much training as i can.
i've been looking at the CLC manual, trying to figure out if i want to cut my travel plans short (!!) and find a place to stay for three weeks (nigh near impossible, but maybe there's a catholic worker house i could work something out with...) so i can take emt-basics classes. or i could do it over the summer, and i'd still be able to both go to witch camp and the conference i'm helping put together in bowling green. and i would be able to save up money for oxford by getting a job...we'll see... i dunno what i want to do. but i don't think i'd mind travelling three weeks less to take a medical class, which is saying a LOT cos i'm a travellin' girl...we'll see...

Wednesday, December 13, 2000

packing is a bitch.
and i've been living online, memorizing medical manuals.
my whole semester is kind of running through my mind.
i'm trying to figure out what i want to focus on next semester.
trying to figure out if i want to save up to get the wilderness first responder training, or should i take guitar lessons at the old town school of folk music, or do i want to go to crystal lake to study witchcraft once a week? i guess i should pick one or two, or at least prioritize them.
i got the most beautiful e-mail from a friend of mine whose a street medic. funny cos i almost quit talking to him over some miscommunication (you know, like, you send an e-mail by accident, oops! that wasn't meant to be sent) but i think some parts of it i meant on some level. this has been the semester of purging - of me getting rid of things i don't need, not working with groups i don't want to work with, not being friends with people who don't respect me. but i almost went overboard, with some of the people i really just needed to tell 'em whati wanted.
but anyways, this e-mail was so beautiful. he was talking about eyewash, about looking at people's eyes, once they got 'em open after repeated eye flushes. and how beautiful their eyes look once they're open.

Tuesday, December 12, 2000

i'm not as worried about the rally anymore. i think we'll be fine, even though i did spend $50 on supplies and still don't have everything we'll need. i'm sure everybody else will pull through.

actually there's a really funny situation going on with all the cats involved...one of them i used to date, he was the really weird boy who always brought me argyle socks and told me to try them on for him. one of them i used to have a hardcore crush on, so the boy i used to date isn't too keen on him. one of them accidentally posted my phone number to a public list, which really pissed me off...one of them is going to be working with someone who ditched this person at the last demo, and two of them i have absolutely nothing on. heh heh. oh, wait, one of them may or may not be reading this. (hey!! this is top-secret, privileged information! if you squeal, i get the guns. ha ha!!)

went and bought supplies today and i got lost on the way home, i just missed the street i needed, which i do quite often, only this time was worse because i also forgot to realize i missed it. and my car door keeps freezing shut.

my favorite thing about shopping during the holidays is to treat the cash register people as if they're actually people, and see their surprised reactions. then i go outside and freeze my ass off. fun.

it's crazy getting ready to travel, packing all my shit getting ready to move, and trying do medical stuff all at the same time (and at the end of the semester, no less.)

i went to a meeting for the oxford program i'm applying for next year, and i really really really want to go. i think it'll be exciting.

that's all for now. -out-
Dear Apple Crumb

Thank you for your letter dated November 26, 2000. A bill was passed and I voted in favor of it, to allow bikes on the Metra Train. So take your bike with you and I hope you will enjoy the great bike paths of Lake County. If you have any other concerns do not hesitate to contact me at my District Office.

Sincerely, Terry Link, Senator 30th District

woo hoo!!!

Monday, December 11, 2000

there's going to be a klan rally in skokie (a largely jewish suburb of chicago) this saturday, and anti-racist action and other protestors are going to be there. i'm trying to put together what i think will be a much-needed medical team, and having a bit of trouble...

Sunday, December 10, 2000

i was walking to this downtown association in my city to get some information for my project, and i'm being watched by this cop car. the cop is trailing me. i can feel his eyes on me as he drives by really slowly.

it's freezing out, and my shoes have holes, and i am walking in snow (i've staggered off the sidewalk now) and my toes are cold. so i pull my heavy brown coat that i hide behind even tighter against my skin.

then i realize he's probably going to think i have something on me.

i go to the store, get my info, and walk out. he's still there, sitting in his cop car. watching me.

i start to walk home, and about thirty seconds later, i hear a "hey you!"

"hey you!"

i turn around, with my short hair, with my thick coat, with my hemp shoes with the holes in them, trying to see who is yelling at me.

sure enough, it's that cop.

now he's waving me over, trying to get me to come over. well, it's a cop, i guess i have to go.

"can i ask you a question?" he finally says, after staring me down some more.
"um, yeah..."
"how old are you?"
"21"
"oh, really?? you look like you're about fifteen!! ha ha!! ha ha ha!!"
"eh heh."

i'm remembering all the verbal boundary-setting skills i learned and not feeling able to use any of them.
i'm wishing it wasn't a cop so i could tell him to fuck off. but he's got a gun and i've got an arrest record.
i'm remembering the articles i read in slingshot when i was in high school. i want to ask him if he's detaining me.

instead i say,
"can i go?"

he says yeah and i have to make an effort to walk, instead of running.
i'm really out of sorts lately. i know, i write that a lot, but i mean it this time. it's the first time all semester that i've wanted to leave campus but somehow been mentally incapable of it. there were a million things i wanted to do in the city yesterday, and a million of things i wanted to do today, none of which i did.

i'm trying to figure out how much of this is because i'm working through that book, and how much of this is because it's the end of the semester. i got in an argument with my housemate about the FRIDGE, for christ's sake. there's never any room in it and i never buy any groceries because i know they won't fit, and she says it's because i'm too lazy to clean it out. (except she insists that when she said "you" she didn't mean me. or some shit.) i say that i don't like throwing out other people's stuff, and maybe if everybody else would stop taking up all the shelf space, the two of us who have NOTHING in there could buy a bag of apples every once in a while...anyways...

i finally finished my semester project, almost. we don't really have finals days at my school, some of the classes I'm in have final papers or exams (usu. take-home exams) so there's really not a big push for studying for finals. however, during writing week we either have to take Comprehensive Exams or do a semester project. There are only two comps, the basic comp and the area comp. I've already basic comped, and don't have to area comp until next semester. So all I have to do this week is work on my project. We're supposed to spend forty hours working on our projects, though most students don't...they call it "drinking week and writing day." But we're not allowed to work for the school or rewrite papers or anything this week, and I do my best to try to spend all forty hours on it.

One semester, I did an analysis of religion and mysticism by having students fill out surveys about whether they believe in god or faeries, and analyzing the results. My first semester, I did a zine about my experience at college. Last semester, I wrote a huge (thirty or so page) essay about my friend who passed away on mother's day, and my reaction to it, and my thoughts about how the school was handling it.

This semester I'm doing the newsletter, and I'm almost done.
I have an intro page, 4 pages of places to go and things to do in this lame-ass town, three pages of things to do in Evanston and Chicago,
There are also articles about the electives in our school, and how there are more Humanities electives than Soc. and Nat Sci. ones. I interviewed the Dean and two students and we tried to figure out why. There's one on the selection process for RA's, tutors, editors, etc. and it calls for open application processes from the school as well as students not selected being told the reasons why, with quotes from a student chosen as an RA, one not chosen, and the person who chose.
There's an article on housing disputes and conflict resolution, interviewing two dissatisfied people, one RA and the Housing Director. There's a rumor control section, which was fun, I went around and verified all the rumors going around, mostly false. There's an article I wrote about the enviro group and what we've done all semester, which was originally printed in a copy of the school paper that didn't quite make it into everybody's mailbox (they're doing an awful job this semester). I also interviewed the computer lab director (my boss) abt. new developments, and all the banks in the area about their accounts. There's stuff I copied from off of the walls in the dorms, a piece on detoxing with herbs, an article on doublecasting for the play, and one on the controversy of the tutor system in the school. I worked really hard on it!!

So far two students have offered to do columns if I keep doing it next semester, so I'm planning on it...part of it is that our school paper rarely has articles about things going on...but partially it's because I'm pissed that I didn't get picked as editor for the school paper this semester (even though I wrote for it a lot)...and I just think it's good to have a paper not officially sanctioned by the school.

I'm tired...and hoping I can get my ass out to Chicago tomorrow instead of sitting around and whining about wanting to go and not going.